You “Reap” What You “Sew” – Eastwick 1.02 Recap

This week, the witches of Eastwick amped up their powers and uncovered more secrets that made the show feel like the earlier days of Desperate Housewives. In short, the episode was bewitching at best.

The night opened with Roxie having another dream about Jamie, the lunatic who she saw trying to kill her in a premonition last week. This time he is burying her alive and Roxie catches a glimpse of a symbol branded on the side of his torso. The next day at her shop, Roxie tells the story to Joanna and Kat, who both think that she is paranoid. But Jamie shows up with news that he signed the lease to the apartment above the shop and Roxie balks.

Joanna and Penny look for more dirt on Darryl van Horn, but only find news clippings about a young rich man named Sebastian Hart who drowned in the town’s river or lake and also tried to purchase the Lennox mansion as well. Then the clincher comes in a picture that showcases a younger version of Darryl. Joanna decides to contact the writer of the articles, Milton Philmont (guest star Martin Mull). When Joanna meets with Milton, he doesn’t remember writing the articles. Joanna uses her power of persuasion, but although Milton still can’t remember writing the articles, he does remember that Sebastian hung around three women and that he was scared of Sebastian for a reason. In short, Milton is the victim of a glamour. Meanwhile, Will asks Joanna out numerous of times, but the sad thing is that Joanna knows his attempts aren’t real and doesn’t follow suit with his advances. Those damn spells!

After learning that Bun is healthy but still in a coma, Kat finds out that Raymond has a clean bill of health as well. Raymond is so well that he wants to come home and work things out. I suspect that it’s because he has no place else to go, but that’s just my jaded view on life. Kat gives him one week and then he has to go, because she rightfully can’t let go that Raymond accused her of being an unfit mother and attempted murder not only three days ago. Again, I would have left him at a homeless shelter. But once they get home, Raymond seems highly genuine in his attempts to reconcile and it shows. As Kat preps her daughter for the town’s Harvest Fest performance, Raymond notices how good he has it.

Meanwhile, Darryl joins the women’s ritual of martinis unannounced and delivers gifts: A silk nature toned nightie for Kat, a bottle of perfume for Joanna (for the snooping journalist “to better sniff out the truth”), and a set of spirit dice for Roxie. Let me explain the spirit dice for a sec: the legend says that if you role one, you can see the past; if you roll two, you can see the future; and if you roll three, you can change fate, but the outcome is always chaotic. Pretty nifty, huh? I bet all these come into play later.

Roxie has her hands full with Darryl, as she is about to start on his sculpture. Turns out that Darryl also hired Chad as a handyman around the house, which creates tension and jealousy between Roxie and Chad, especially with Darryl’s never-ending advances to Roxie. When Chad overhears the incident with Mia and her boyfriend Gus, Chad gets jealous and later asks Roxie for a drawer in her house to put his things when he stays the night. Roxie is reluctant, because she hasn’t really gotten over her husband yet. While handling those two, Roxie also has to deal with Gus, who has taken the role of being a snotty taunt towards the mother and daughter team. Because of Gus’s smug attitude, Mia doesn’t want to go to Harvest Fest and this pisses Roxie to no end. She goes and corners Gus with her Jeep and gives him the third degree. After Roxie confronts Gus about Mia, Gus retorts that Roxie is nothing but a slut who killed her husband to sleep with the town’s population of men and that Mia didn’t fall too far from the tree. Claws out, Roxie scars Gus by nearly running him over. Never screw with a witch, dude.

After seeing Kat be a great mother to his kids earlier (which brought out the good side of Mother Nature in the form of an abundance of butterflies), Raymond approaches Kat while she waters the garden in the nightie that Darryl bought her and while they discuss their impending divorce, Raymond gets nostalgic and apologizes when he realizes that he was about to lose the love of his life. Kat reciprocates the feelings and the two go at it while the garden literally blooms all around them. I am loving that Mother Nature power of Kat’s!

Joanna and Penny decide to break into the Eastwick Historical Society to retrieve files on Sebastian Hart. I would think that such files would be at the courthouse, but… heh. Once the women get in, Joanna finds a fat file on Sebastian, but a dog appears out of nowhere and attacks, snatching the files out of Joanna’s hand and eating them up fo good measure. Joanna manages to snag a photo of Sebastian/Darryl with three other women, one of them being Bun, and escapes.

The morning after their romp in the garden, Kat breaks Raymond’s heart by telling him that the sex was goodbye sex and not make up sex. She is tired of being the only breadwinner and it will take more than love making for Raymond to step his game up with her.

Roxie gets some initial unwanted help from Jamie, who helps fix her tire. He drops some info out about his reasons for coming to Eastwick, which involves him writing a book about the town and it’s history of witchcraft. Roxie checks to see if he had the branded symbol and he doesn’t, which calms Roxie’s nerves a bit.

Joanna tells Penny about the other visible woman in the photo (the last woman in the photo has her face turned from view). The woman’s name is Eleanor Rougement and she is still living in Eastwick, but secluded, and is their only way of getting answers since Bun is still in a coma. But unknown to Dynamic Duo, Bun finally awakes!

During the night of the Harvest Fest, a lot of stuff comes to a head. Raymond gets his job back as the Supervisor of Wicks and Wax at the candle factory, courtesy of Darryl of course. Mia actually shows up to the festival and gives Roxie new incentive to make things right with Chad, who is furious about being left out of Roxie’s life and jealous of Darryl. But Chad has some other girl on his arm and goes to dance with her instead. Later, Roxie gets super jealous and lets him have a drawer in the house. Chad is pleased.            Joanna and Penny decide to go find Eleanor Rougement (guest star Cybil Shepard), who looks like a voodoo woman. Joanna also notices the same symbol that was seen on Jamie’s torso in Roxie’s premonitions. When asked about Sebastian, Eleanor says of course she knows him since she was the one killed him. DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!

Eleanor closes the door, but when Penny and Joanna continue to knock she appears with a shotgun this time. Joanna tries to do the persuasion trick and Eleanor laughs it off. The women then go to the festival and Will tries again to pick up Joanna, who agrees to a dance. While dancing, Darryl cuts in and warns Joanna about her snooping and that she should let “sleeping dogs lie”. While at home later, Darryl plays with the spirit dice and his dog, the same one who attacked Joanna and Penny. Whoa.

Meanwhile, Jamie watches the festival from his apartment and then brands himself with the symbol that was seen in Roxie’s premonitions and on Eleanor’s front door frame.

The show ends with the children’s performance and Gus being in charge of the lights. He spots Roxie in the crowd and she senses him watching her. She turns to face him intently, and Joanna and Kat do so as well. The three women’s looks freak Gus out causing him to trip and fall off the balcony; hanging himself on the lights in the process.

Uh-oh.

This episode was way better than the pilot and the mystery is top notch. Who are the three women in the photo? Well they have to be Darryl/Sebastian’s previous coven, but the real question is do they still have powers as well or did they lose them when they “killed” Sebastian? Also, who is the third woman? Could she be the mother of Kat, Roxie, or Joanna? Or some other woman we have yet to meet just yet?

I am enthralled. What about you?

Antiquated Secrets Revealed – The Vampire Diaries 1.04 Recap

After watching The Vampire Diaries last night, I only have one question:

Why is this show so damn good?!?!

I mean someone please tell me how this show became (as Kristin Santos of E! declares at times) crack TV at its best by the fifth episode? Really, I need to know.

Last night was filled with revelations and shocking plot twists that I don’t know if I can wait till next week. But let’s recap, because I know you are climbing the walls in anticipation. Sarcasm.

Civil War

Damon haunts Stefan’s dreams by showcasing what he could do to Elena if he ever gets the chance. After Damon also physically attacks Zach, Stefan tries to up his defense by spiking some alcohol with the plant vervain, which is the equivalent to garlic in this show’s mythology. Turns out that despite the plant not growing in the town in so many years (thanks to a spell from Damon), Zach has been growing it in the basement ala a marijuana plant. But Damon doesn’t fall for the ruse and the attempt to weaken him forces Damon to get his evil vampire on at the town’s annual Founder’s Party the next night

The entire town is actually getting ready for the event, which is a big deal when it comes to the town’s history. The Salvatore Brothers attended the first one and Damon doesn’t want to miss out. Damon throws a glamour on Caroline into asking him to the ball and while we learn how someone could be made into a vampire (which involves drinking from the vampire after death and making your first kill) through their conversation, Caroline asks Damon if he is going to kill her and Damon only says not yet, because he still needs her. Gulp.

At the Gilbert’s house, Elena and Jenna watch a news report by Logan Lee (Jenna’s ill fated ex) and Sheriff Truitt (Caroline’s mother) telling everyone that the mountain lion that has been attacking the community has been bagged and tagged. Heh Heh… Mountain lion…

Meanwhile, Elena preps a special Gilbert family heirloom, a pocket watch, for display at the event. After arguing over the heirloom with an increasingly annoying Jeremy, Damon stops by and Elena asks him to the gala after some heavy petting. Stefan of course accepts.

At the Mystic Grill, we meet Tyler’s parents, Mayor and Mrs. Lockwood, who Tyler doesn’t want to know that he is ‘dating’ Vicki. He waits till after he leaves to tend to a hurt Vicki and wins her over, to Jeremy’s dismay. His puppy dog antics are slightly stalker-ish and I can see why Vicki gets perturbed at times. Also at the Mystic Grill, Caroline tells Bonnie a secret about the Salvatore brothers, which was obviously a plant by Damon to throw a wrench into Steflena.

Back at Casa Gilbert, Tyler shows up to pick up the pocket watch for his mom. While there he and Jeremy have another spat over Vicki. It seems that Tyler genuinely like Vicki, but Jeremy isn’t buying it. In the kitchen, Bonnie reveals what Caroline told her about the Salvatore, which involved Katherine again. According to Caroline (Damon), while both brothers were dating Katherine, she choose Damon the end and Stefan did horrible things like torturing her and such to get back at her.

Yeah right.

Elena feels the same way that I do, but Bonnie still smells something fishy. As they get ready, Elena gets a call from Mrs. Lockwood concerning the pocket watch, which has gone missing. Elena storms into Jeremy’s room and after some prodding, she finally gets Jeremy to confess. He took it because the watch is supposed to be given to him one day according to their late father. Elena later gives the watch back before she leaves for the party out of pity.

A Night to Remember

The gala is underway and Stefan gets a good luck token (a vial of liquid) from Zach before he leaves. At the gala, Tyler spots Vicki waiting to be let in and he takes her around the back entrance. Classy way to prove that you love her, Tyler… Later, when Vicki wants to meet Tyler’s parents, he refuses. Mrs. Lockwood approaches and after Vicki leaves Mrs. Lockwood voices her disdain for “trash”. DAMN!

Sheriff Truitt spots Caroline with Damon, who the Sheriff thinks is too old for her daughter. Caroline tells her mother to drop it. Logan Lee, who wants to rekindle what he and Jenna had when they were younger, approaches Jenna, who doesn’t buy it for most of the night until the very end of the night. And our girl Bonnie has telekinesis, yall, as she finds out by lighting candles with her mind all night LOVE IT!!!!!

Antiquated Secrets

Elena comes across a guest registry from the first Founder’s Party that has not only notable character’s ancestors on it (Lockwood for example) Damon and Stefan’s names are on it as well. When Elena starts to have a minor freak out, Damon and Caroline enter to save the day. Damon tells Elena that they are the ‘namesakes’ of the original Salvatore brothers. Caroline then uses the time to snag Stefan away to dance so Damon can work his magic on Elena.

Damon gives Elena (and us) some more Mystic Falls/Salvatore history by disclosing that during the Civil War at the Battle of Willow Creek, a group of civilians were killed in a church by massive gunfire. Damon says that the people in there were not there by mistake, but were rounded up by the Confederate soldiers for being Union sympathizers and one of the people was someone special to the two brothers. Hint, hint. Elena tells Damon that she can’t get in the middle of the two of them and that she hopes that they eventually call a truce. Not in a long shot, little girl. Elena later asks Stefan to dance and when she tries to get to know Stefan more by asking questions about his past, he wants to drop it. He then tells her that she can’t believe everything that Damon tells her, because Damon is hell bent on breaking them apart. Elena thinks Damon’s plan is working as she leaves Stefan on the dance floor. While telling Bonnie what happened, Elena is stopped by Mrs. Lockwood, who really wants to know where that pocket watch is. Elena lies about it being in storage and Mrs. Lockwood looks troubled.

Damon has Caroline stand watch at the door to the antiques while he retrieves an amber-looking jewel from a wooden box that he says he placed there himself a long time ago. Later in the ladies room, Elena notices the bite marks on Caroline’s body. Caroline panics and leaves the restroom while Elena goes to confront Damon. While Damon goes to lay the smack down on Caroline, Elena goes to Stefan with an apology and his help. When Stefan stalls in an explanation, which does nothing but raises Elena’s suspicions.

Stefan sees Damon dragging Caroline away and he excuses himself.

Caroline begs for forgiveness by insinuating that she didn’t squeal, but Damon tries to finish her off anyway after calming her down. The problem is that Damon gets weak as he drinks. Stefan steps out of the shadows and reveals that he dumped the vial of vervain it into Caroline’s drink since he couldn’t do it to Damon’s. He then takes Damon and disappears. Caroline notices when she wakes up that Damon dropped the jewel. She collects it before Elena arrives and she collapses into tears while Elena holds her.

Vicki showed up at the Gilbert’s house to a happy Jeremy. They kiss. Moving on…

Damon is thrown into the room where the vervain garden is growing and is locked up.

And the kick ass scene of the night goes to the big reveal of the adult Scooby Gang featuring Sheriff Truitt, Mayor and Mrs. Blackwood, and Logan Lee, who all know that the Salvatore brothers/vampires are back and that the pocket watch is the key to stopping them, which Logan can retrieve since he is now in Jenna’s good graces.

Shut the hell up, man!!!!

Quick Notes:

1) The dig at the Twilight Saga was hilarious, especially since Damon was reading either the second or third books and couldn’t get Bella’s appeal. Plus, this exchange:

Damon: “I miss Anne Rice. She was so on it…”

Caroline: “How come you don’t sparkle?”

Damon: “Because I live in the real world where vampires burn in the sun.”

Classic!

2) Bonnie. Nuff said.

3) Can we nip the love triangle of Jeremy-Vicki-Tyler in the bud once and for all? Sickening.

4) What is the purpose of the amber jewel? Did it belong to Katherine? I bet my top dollars that it is…

What did you all think?

Jane’s Got a Bitch To Scratch – Melrose Place 1.04 Recap

Last night’s Melrose Place brought back Josie Bissett’s Jane Andrews and brought more scheming and backstabbing that I know that Sydney Andrews is beaming from heaven…or hell… or the Witness Protection Program. Either way, she would be one proud bitch. Let’s summarize!

The episode isn’t called “Vine”, just because. The title fits with the allegory of people willing to climb over others to get to where they want to be, which is what a plenty of our residents did tonight.

While David was getting up close and personal with a female in his car, he notices a guy monitoring his every move. Later in the courtyard, Lauren gets a text from Toby, the sleaze from the first episode, saying that he would be in town the next day. Violet asks for Riley’s cell number, which Jonah was firmly against. Ella talks about a new movie ‘Kensington Squared’ starring starlet Abby Douglas. Jonah was a roommate to the guy who wrote the film and scored two tickets. While the gang continues to frolic, Jane Andrews enters with news that she was Sydney’s sister and their new landlord. HAPPY DAYS!!!!!

Jane looks over Syd’s old apartment and comes across a photo of them together from their earlier days (and it was authentic, not any photoshopped mess). Nostalgic sigh… Anyway, Ella comes in asking for Syd’s apartment after everything is cleared, but Jane has other ideas. Seems that Sydney patched things up with Jane before she died and told Jane about the big falling out that Sydney had with Ella dealing with Ella telling David about Michael. Sydney was so hurt that she forwarded Ella’s incriminating emails to Jane, who still has them on file and make them go away if Ella does one thing. Jane wants Ella to get Abby Douglas to wear a Jane Andrews original dress to the red carpet premiere of ‘Kensington Squared’. Ella is appalled and I am shocked that Jane has taken a play out of not only Sydney’s book, but maybe Michael and Amanda’s as well. If Ella doesn’t comply, then the emails will find their way to the police.

Snap!

After getting dissed by the Gordan Ramsey wannabe, Marchello, Auggie is approached by David, who wants to pay Auggie back for being an ass when he found out about Auggie and Syd. David asks Marchello if he could be the extra hand Coal will need for the big premiere. After Auggie vouches for David, despite David never working a day in his life, Marchello gives David the job.

Detectives Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum aka Rodriguez (guest star Nicholas Gonzalez) and his partner show up at Violet’s apartment to asks questions. Violet excuses herself to put on clothes, but bolts out the back window. Odd little chickadee….

Lauren talks to Toby on her phone when Ella slinks in. They discuss Jane and the apartment rent when Ella gives one of the best lines of the night: “Well I can certainly see the family resemblance, she has Syd’s fangs.” Lauren hopes rent won’t go up, and Ella keeps mum about her wanting to move into Syd’s old spot.

While Jonah is editing a video for a wilderness group, he complains about how his roommate, Zach, is now a hot commodity in Hollywood. Riley pays close attention to everything Jonah sprouts out and uses it later in the hour.

After going over promotional materials of Kensington Squared with Devil Spawn Caleb, Ella slips in that Jane will be doing Abby’s dress. Of course, Caleb bitches about it, but relents due to Ella’s track record, especially with Jonah’s save last week. At the fitting, Abby complains here and there about some things, but Ella calms her nerves by telling her that a big glossy magazine wanted to do a feature with her and the dress.

After Ella and Abby leave the boutique, Jane is shocked to discover Violet in the back. After Violet reveals that she is Sydney’s daughter, Jane becomes warm and friendly, asking Violet questions of why did she run and calming the girl’s nerves. Jane then excuses herself and immediately calls the police. REALLY?!?!?

It’s the night of the premiere and David is setting up at Coal, when Ella stops by. He reveals that he heard that Jane will be Abby’s designer and I wonder why would he know such a detail. Just asking… Anyway, David wants to know why Ella is doing favors mentioning his alibi and Jane’s dress. Ella reveals that Jane has dirt and that she can’t afford a PR disaster for something she didn’t do.

Lauren shows up at the hotel for her date with Toby, but as soon as she gets there some other dude comes up with a proposition. Lauren is immediately appalled and the guy backs off. Also, Violet called Lauren’s cell, but Lauren didn’t answer.

At the premiere, Jonah and Riley run into Zach, who is total Hollywood now and makes Jonah feel little. Riley picks her man up by using the faux six-figure movie deal that Jonah ‘turned down’ from the pilot episode. Zach is impressed, but not as much as Jonah is of his fiancée. Earn those cool points back, Riley!

Auggie and crew prep the Coal’s kitchen for the incoming traffic from the premiere. He also gets a call from Violet, but has to ignore it. While helping Auggie out in the kitchen, David spots the guy stalking him.

Ella gets a call from Jane, who’s on her way to fix the dress since Abby is finding new problems with it. Ella tells her to don’t worry about, but Jane insists and prays that Abby is not always this difficult. Ella didn’t hear Jane correctly so Jane had to spell it out to the amateur: they are partners now and Abby will be seen in more Jane Andrews originals. Damn, Jane!

Jonah freaks when he sees Riley talking to Chris Kitsis, Zach’s agent and the guy Jonah whined about earlier. But Riley has impressed Chris and put in great words about Jonah. In other words, Riley is stepping up to the plate for her man’s dreams, while Jonah sits back and sulks. But Jonah realizes the peach he has at his side and is appreciative. Then Riley’s phone rings and it’s Violet. Riley runs off to answer it and then returns to tell Jonah that Violet is in jail and that she has to go get her. Jonah doesn’t want Riley to go and feels that Violet is in the right place, but Riley’s moral compass wins this battle.

Meanwhile, Violet tells the detectives that she is Sydney’s daughter, which gives the detectives incentive to think that Violet has a motive. They then ask why she is scared of the police, but we cut to the next scene.

The guy approaches Lauren again from earlier that night after she finds out that Toby won’t be making it. The guy is a bold one, because he asks is she was working and after a brief hesitation, she accepts his offer. Man if it was really that easy…

Ella and Jane meet Abby as she arrives and she is a whiny little bitch. Abby wants the previous dress she was to wear, but after some prodding from Ella and Jane, Abby demands the previous dress or she is walking. Jane thinks that she has Ella under her thumb, but Ella goes with Abby. Jane is not pleased and promises hellfire over Melrose for Ella’s insolence. But Jane if Ella got fired then you would have been screwed as well. Think about it, lil lady….

The guy stalking David is a crony of Michael’s and David confronts him in the most inopportune way. He lunges the guy over a table in Coal and is immediately fired, but also scarring Auggie’s reputation with Marchello. Dumbass….

Lauren has finished working hard for the money and wants her due. The guy looks at her as if she was crazy and plays dumb. Lauren grows agitated at the guy by the minute and she grabs him and he shoves her into a wall and walks calmly out the room. BASTARD!!!

David waits for Auggie after work and Auggie is pissed. He tells David that he is always doing stuff and not thinking about the consequences, which in his case is a bad mark from Marchello. When David declares that he was only trying to help, Auggie counters that with asking David where was he when Sydney was getting murdered since he was supposedly passed on Sydney’s bed.

When Jonah gets home, he reveals to Riley that Chris Kitsis wants to see his film. The celebration is cut short when Jonah realizes that Violet is taking a shower in his house. After he blows a gasket, Riley reveals Syd being Violet’s mother, but he doesn’t buy it. Enter Violet, who discloses a little about her past and her foster parents. She hated where she was and was scared to sleep. When she ran away, Violet also took some of her foster parent’s money. Violey had to have take more than a couple of thousands to afford to stay in Melrose. Otherwise, she is lying.

Lauren is almost thrown out of the hotel when a woman, Wendi Mattison (guest star Kelly Carlson, Nip/Tuck) saves her, but knows what Lauren is doing since she was in Lauren shoes once. After Lauren plays defiant dumb, Wendi tells Lauren that if she ever does business in her area again that hotel security will be the last of her worries.

Back at the apartments, Ella is worried about what Jane has in store. Enter David as her knight in shining armor. David claims that he can bury Jane with all the dirt he has on her based on the files he stole from Michael. He is sooooo Michael Mancini’s son, people. Ella gets so excited that she offers him a bed and her to sleep in.

David comes to Jane with information about Jane burning down her wardrobe and building for insurance money, all information he pulled off of Michael’s computer files. Jane calls his bluff, but I guess Michael taught his son well, because he doesn’t back down. Jane promises hell with the residents and David only says, “We’ll take our chances.”

Lauren’s arm is bruised pretty badly and after some heavy thinking, she calls Wendi back about “employment opportunities”. Outside in the courtyard, Riley and Jonah spread the news of Violet’s maternity to David and Ella. Violet then comes out bearing snacks she baked for Riley and Jonah, but Ella and Jonah are the only two who don’t eat one due to them being scared for their lives. Ella then tells David that she got an email from Jane saying that all was forgiven. She thanks David, but tells him that their romp the night before was a one-time deal, but thanks anyway.

Jane, on the other hand, is not finished. She calls Detective Rodriguez with information on Ella that can be found in the emails she is about to forward.

There’s a new bitch in town!

Dixon Sucks, Annie Rules. There I Said It – 90210 2.04 Recap

The kids of West Bev said to hell with the truth setting you free this week as they lied, lied again to cover the previous lie, and some got caught up in said lies. But they lied again. Compromises were then made to cover up the lies. You see where I am going with this? But let me not hold you up from knowing who the liars and the lie-ees are.

Due to everyone’s storylines being duel efforts tonight, I will just pair up the characters that mattered tonight.

Dixon and Sasha

The modern Ms. Jacobs and Pacey woke up in a chateau in Napa on a Sunday after what seemed like a long night of romping and Dixon is in heaven. Kanye West would be proud. Navid calls to not only check on his car, but to get in Dixon’s ass for charging $4000 dollars on a couples massage on top of the price of the hotel room. Dixon is the epitome of a scrub ass dude… Navid also gives him the lie he told Harry about Dixon’s whereabouts. Sasha (guest star Mekia Cox) is oblivious to all of this and I don’t see how she can’t see that Dixon is still wet behind the ears and goofy as all hell. Dixon later tells the guys that he will come free to Sasha about his actual age when the time is right. During another date with Sasha (in Navid’s father’s Lamborghini again), Dixon is shocked when Sasha says that she isn’t used to all of the pampered treatment, because she is $100,000 dollars in debt and eats Ramen noodles compared to the five star dinners she eats with Dixon. Seem that the “time” has come, Dixon. He starts to come clean by asking Sasha about her high school days. She tells him that she was immature and did dumb things, which most high school kids are notorious for because they think they know everything, but they don’t. Amen, sister. Dixon then has a flat, freaks out and calls Navid, who blows him off. Dixon can’t call AAA out of fear that they will bust him for being underage and driving someone else’s car, plus he doesn’t know how to change a tire on a Lamborghini. Spoiled much?

While Dixon is trying to come up with a solution, Sasha finds a stash of porn in the trunk of the car. She immediately thinks Dixon is some type of sick pervert, but he says that he doesn’t watch the films…he makes them. Yes, Dixon lies that he is a porno producer and is only doing it to pay back a debt and he will get out of the business soon. Sasha, relieved (strangely), wants no more lies between the two of them. But later that night (or the next night) Sasha does recon with a friend outside the Wilsons’ house. Turns out that Sasha and Dixon have the same phone and they picked each other’s phone up by mistake, hence Sasha getting Dixon’s address. But while defending Dixon to her friend, the two women see Dixon pull up in his actual car and hug Debbie, who meets him at the door. BUSTED!!!

Navid and Adrianna

Adrianna has a dream about having dinner with Navid, who quickly turned into Teddy. Adrianna nearly faints in delight, but then wakes up to her doting boyfriend Navid. Uh-oh… The last couple standing is about to collapse. But that’s the least of Adrianna’s worries as her mother is forcing her back into acting by setting up an audition for a midseason pilot. So much for “No Drama Adrianna”…

Navid thought that Adrianna didn’t want to act again, which would mean that if she did return to acting then she would renege on her whole new persona that included no sex. Navid tries to be understandable and lists that he has always had her back and that it’s time for Adrianna to see where he is coming from for a change. But to be fair, I don’t think Navid’s concerns were mostly for his Johnson rather than Adrianna’s sanity as it was the pressures of acting that drove her down the downward spiral last year. Adrianna skips class to audition and ends up with the part. Navid is not happy-happy joy-joy though, because doesn’t want to see her ruin herself again. Torn, Adrianna turns to Teddy, who plants a big one on Adrianna that included tongue and a full minute of synchronization. Enough time for Silver to walk in gasp and walk out unseen. Oops…

To mask her guilt, Adrianna tells Navid that she turned down the part and feels that she has made Navid wait long enough for…you know. Navid is finally a happy camper and the two consummate their relationship. Oy vey…

Teddy and Silver

After finding out from Gia that not only did the dead homeless guy went to West Bev when he was young, but that he left the school $100,000 dollars and that his nephew is a current student. Navid assigns Silver to cover the story and she took her job seriously. After being slightly embarrassed by Michael (guest star George Finn) about her bi-polar breakdown that happened last year, Silver doesn’t get much out of the guy. So she turns to the only other person who was there besides the killer (Annie), and that is Teddy. When she asks him some questions, Teddy says some very tasteless things about the man and Silver’s disdain for Teddy resurfaces. She tries to embarrass him into doing the interview for her, but he declares that he can’t because he is involved with the police investigation and can’t speak with her, because she is only a high school student and not the cops. Bull. CRAP! If that’s the case then why did you have to be so snotty about it earlier? This Teddy is a bad guy, but he really isn’t crap is getting old quick four episodes into the season. He is so the male version of Annie, because they don’t know what to make him yet. Either he is an asshole or he isn’t. The flip-flopping has to stop.

But hopefully Silver holds the forbidden kiss between Teddy and Adrianna as leverage to get her interview, even if I don’t want Silver to be the one to snoop onto Annie’s secret in the long run. Speaking of which…

Annie and Michael (Dead Homeless Guy’s Nephew)

Annie enters school with her newfound inner bitch turned on high. (Tear! Little Annie is all grown up!) But her bitch walk comes to a screeching halt when she sees Silver interview Michael and her resolve starts to crack. She later approaches him to apologize for what happened to his uncle, but he is very nonchalant about it, but wonders why does she care. In a way I would have wondered the same thing, but wouldn’t have been snotty about it, let alone voiced my thoughts. During a memorial for the guy, Annie breaks down and Michael notices. After Annie leaves to go home, Michael decides to take her out. They end up looking at the stars atop of his car and Michael talks about things we worry about don’t really matter in the big scheme of things, including his uncle. Annie is shocked, but asks did he really think that. He confirms that he does and we see Annie calm down a little. But I swear I think dude is trying to suss the truth out of her and will eventually do so in the long run.

Liam, Jen, and Naomi

The drama never stops with these three idiots, but let’s face it, the suspense on how long Naomi will foolishly believes her sister and not Liam an Annie is killing us. So what happened tonight?

Well, Liam tries again to approach Naomi at the Beach Club, but Jen comes in as soon as he started to wear down Naomi’s resolve. Jen gives Liam a lecture on trust, something that she and Naomi has and he doesn’t know anything about. But luckily Liam’s dimwitted mother spots a picture of Jen in a French magazine and Liam finally started to use his brain. He later approaches Jen with an ultimatum: Either tell Naomi what happened the night of the junior prom or he will expose to Naomi that Jen is actually married to a Baron, who she financially cleaned out after one month of marriage and that she is technically broke. Jen is taken aback by Liam’s clever detective work and tells Liam to give her a day. But in the end, Jen tells Naomi the truth with a little spin thrown in. Jen ‘reveals’ to Naomi that she found the Baron in bed with another woman and that she got broke before she married him. Naomi is pissed at first, but when Jen states that she is leaving to go back to the Baron, Naomi puts her foot down and says that Jen isn’t going anywhere. The lie is so believable that I almost bought it due to my infinite hate for tabloids, but I eventually came to my senses. Too bad Naomi didn’t though. Jen tells Liam that she told Naomi about her ‘mishap’ and that the ‘trust’ between them will prevent Naomi from ever believing that Jen and Liam slept together. Later, Liam plays this sound bite back on his cell phone and I scream in joy. Get THAT BITCH, LIAM!!!!

So what do you guys think? Teddy is really getting on my damn nerves. His intentions, other than Adrianna, need to come clean quickly. Annie is quickly becoming my favorite character, something that her brother lost day one of Season Two. Silver could be a great journalist one day and I hope she snoops into Teddy’s past to see what his deal is. Sasha is dumb as a bag of doorknobs and I hope she kicks Dixon’s ass when she finds out he is a kid. She could go to jail for statutory rape and he is on some serious bull. Adrianna giving it up to Navid to hide her guilt is wrong, but I am happy for Navid to relieve some stress. I know that is wrong, but still…

See you guys next week!

Clutch Your Pocketbooks, Ladies! – The Real Housewives of Atlanta Ep. 2.09 Recap

Last time on the Real Housewives of ATL Kim fell on her ass and I laughed my ass off, the Alter-Ego pictures were revealed, and Kandi produced a miracle with Kim’s rendition of “Don’t Be Tardy For the Party”. But Kim doesn’t want NeNe in the song anymore so expect some claws because of that.

This week we are subjected to seeing Kim’s friend Cori in a two piece bathing suit. Why? I don’t think I even want to know, but I might put a lawsuit in for such a debacle. Anyway, Kim reveals to Cori that Big Poppa is back in her life (had he even left?) and she doesn’t know what to this time around. She then goes into a rant about how she wants the best for her daughters, including private schools, the best colleges, and for their privileged lifestyle to never end. Hopefully, Big Poppa is cutting Kim’s credit cards. Then Kim says she wants Big Poppa to marry her, because she wants a commitment. Ok… Moving on…

It’s Sheree’s Independence Party and she will bitch if she wants to. Which she does. Along with Tania, Sheree finds a nice spot for the event that has a lot of space and a stripper pole as well. She and Tania act a fool when they see it and declare that everyone will have a spin on it at the party. Closeted sluts I see… Not a damn thing wrong with that.

Next we find Kandi and Lisa at rehearsal for the Pocketbook Monologues that was written and directed by Sharon McGhee. The pocketbook equals the vagina just to let you know. Lisa fumbles during rehearsal, but Kandi knocks her part out of the park so well that she had Sharon crying. Fast forward to the night of the play and despite some stage jitters, Kandi kills it. Lisa did great, but Kandi brought the house down.

NeNe meets with author Denene Miller, who will help her with NeNe’s memoir. NeNe talks about her learning about the paternity of her father and she wants the book to be “juicy” all the way through.

Sheree meets with an artist named Rossin, who specializes in life portraits. He takes the picture then he paints the pictures. Sheree wants a life size portrait of herself done for the party so she can have the picture to look back at her youth in the future. Well a yearbook, would have sufficed, but that’s me. Rossin then blows her head up even more by saying that he is honored to be painting a “queen”. Yep, he said that. She goes back with her mother to see how far he has gotten and Sheree and her mother are thrown aback. Her mother says the portrait captures her innocence. Oh, Mother of Sheree…

While sitting by her pool, Kandi fill Lisa in on all the drama with Kim and NeNe dealing with the song. Kandi knows that both have been flip flopping with their stance on the song, with both not wanting to do it at certain times. Lisa tells Kandi to stay out of it and just do the song, but Kandi thinks that it’s a bunch of nonsense.

It’s the night of the Independence Party and while Sheree is getting ready, the party has already started. Even Kim shows up on crutches. Seems like they are on good terms, but if you pay attention to the blogs then you know the true story.

Kim and NeNe talk about the song and NeNe thinks that Kim can’t sell the song without her. Kandi, for some odd reason, slinks over to the convo. NeNe goes from being cordial to berating Kim and then convo gets ugly. Sheree is pissed, because the two women are bringing negativity to her party. Then Tania brings attention to the fight while trying to take attention from it by screaming that this is Sheree’s party and the attention should be on Sheree. Tania, you been asking for trouble since you trash talked Lisa and NeNe earlier in the season. Don’t make the war official…

Meanwhile, Sheree’s portrait is revealed and it looks as if Rossin knocked twenty years off Sheree’s face. The crowd squeals in delight. Hmm. Then Sheree’s wannabe hairstylist brings out a stripper that looked like a man in certain areas. Hmm.

Kandi, again for some odd ass reason, can’t leave the argument between Kim and NeNe alone. She says she can’t get it out of her head. Lisa tells her a “I told you so”, when NeNe walks into the conversation. Then the two of them get at each other’s thoughts. NeNe is yelling, while Kandi tries to act civilized. At the end, Sheree didn’t let all the drama affect her, which is what Tania should have done. But no, she had to do an interview and speak about something that shouldn’t have had any affect on her whatsoever. Tania, looks good as hell, but that can go so far with me.

That’s the end folks, I will see you next week. (On time I hope…)

The Real Housewives of Atlanta, The Beautiful Life, and Eastwick Recaps Coming This Weekend!!!

The recaps for the three shows above will be coming this weekend. Due to lack of time this week with work and a job interview, I have gotten behind and apologize for my insolence. Stay tuned. Please?

“It’s All So.. Go Team RAH!!!!” – The Vampire Diaries Ep 1.03 Recap

Last night on The Vampire Diaries we got more vampire mythology, a bitchier Caroline, a witchier Bonnie, and more teen emo angst from Jeremy. Three out of four is pretty damn good so lets get down to it!

Instead of another couple biting the dust in the opener, we return back to Damon’s bedroom where Caroline experienced the worst morning after. Her neck bleeding and Damon sleeps peacefully beside her, Caroline tries to make a run for it. But Damon hadn’t had his breakfast yet and he attacks again.

At school Elena was on Cloud Nine after her kiss with Stefan the night before. Bonnie warns Elena to slow her roll and be cautious of the mysterious Stefan, who can sense animosity from Bonnie, but doesn’t know the source. While watching Elena and Stefan talk, Tyler, in a ‘favor’ for Matt, lunges a football at the back of Stefan’s head. Stefan catches it last minute and sends it back with force to Tyler. Everyone is impressed, especially Elena.

Vicki approaches Jeremy about some concert tickets she scored and Jeremy, who is still hurt from seeing her with Tyler again, blows her off. Loser.

In history class, Tanner tries to embarrass Elena and Stefan again with history trivia and Stefan hands him his ass again. Meanwhile, Elena begs Stefan to try out for the football team and he does, but who just so happens to be the football coach? Tanner. What fresh hell!

Elena returned to the cheer squad to Bonnie’s delight. Elena then invited Bonnie to dinner with Stefan, to Bonnie’s dismay. After Bonnie voiced her concern over Caroline being M.I.A. all day, the girl in question arrives to cheer practice via Damon with a new scarf to boot. Caroline seems back to her normal bitchy self, despite being a continental breakfast for Damon earlier. Elena couldn’t keep up with the routines and Caroline asked her to just observe for the day. Meanwhile, Stefan is kicking ass during his tryouts, but Tyler and Matt don’t take kindly to this and try to give Stefan hell. If only they knew that Stefan could not only take their field positions, but also demote them to being his personal Gatorade keg on the sidelines.

While prepping for dinner, Bonnie attempted to convince Elena that she is psychic, mention numbers that had been haunting her all day: 8, 14, 22. Stefan shows up and while eating Elena reveals Bonnie’s witch lineage, which surprises Stefan a little. Bonnie tries to brush it off, but Stefan tells her that the Salem witches were heroic symbols because of their individuality against the masses. This calms Bonnie’s nerves and she lets her guard down.

Then Caroline and Damon showed up with dessert interrupting the dinner, but Damon can’t enter unless Elena invites him, which Stefan tried to prevent. Elena lets Damon in anyway and Stefan pales even more than I thought he could.

While talking after dinner, Damon and Caroline grated the nerves of Elena, Stefan and Bonnie. Caroline snottily and nonchalantly talked about Elena being off her A-game during practice due to her parents dying, while Damon brings up the subject of Katherine again. Damon and Caroline: Cute couple, don’t you agree?

Later, Damon catches Elena in the kitchen. After talking about Katherine a bit more, Elena deduced that Damon used to be in love with Katherine as well. Damon also tells Elena that she doesn’t fit the mold of a cheerleader and should consider quitting. In the living room, Stefan tried to talk Caroline out of the scarf she was rocking. But Caroline said that she couldn’t and didn’t know why. Damon comes and mind forces Caroline to go help the girls in the kitchen. After she leaves, Stefan demands for Damon to leave, but Damon declares that it doesn’t matter, because Elena’s doors are open now and there is nothing Stefan can do about him making visits. Damon proved that point by haunting Elena’s dream later that night.

Oh, Jeremy and Tyler get into another shoving match over Vicki at the Mystic Grill. No new developments so moving on…

It’s game day and before the pep rally, Stefan wrote in his journal that he knows that there has to be some sort of humanity left in Damon and fears for Elena. He then comes up with a plan to protect her. At the school, Stefan gives Elena a locket with some herbs in it for Elena to wear. She happily accepted it and admits him that she quit the cheer squad.

During the pep rally, Tyler decides he wants to be a jerk and go beat on something when Stefan gets praise from Tanner. So he finds Jeremy and the two go at it. Elena, Matt, and Stefan go to stop the fight. Stefan pulls Tyler off of Jeremy and Tyler tries to take a shot at Stefan, but it doesn’t affect him. Jeremy picks up a piece of a bottle that shattered during the melee and swings at Tyler and catches Stefan’s hand, slashing it. Elena freaks and after arguing with the lost cause that is Jeremy tries to tend to Stefan’s wound. Except it has healed. Stefan declares that he didn’t get cut, but Elena knows she saw it. Elena immediately ran to Bonnie and demanded to know about what Bonnie saw when she touched Stefan. Bonnie revealed that she saw what death could feel like.

While going to her car, Elena was startled by Damon’s sudden appearance. She was easily wigged out, especially when Damon tried to come on to Elena by attempting to glamour her. But Elena smacked him and lets him know that despite she is not Katherine. I think her strength might have had something to do with that locket.

And I am right when Damon applauded Stefan’s weapon of choice in protecting Elena. Stefan declared his belief that Damon still has some shred of humanity left in him, because of Damon’s love for Katherine that lead him to torture Stefan. Stefan was confident in his assessment and dared Damon to kill him. But Damon decided to drain another unlucky person instead: Mr. Tanner.

There goes my Mr. Tanner as a vampire theory.

After verbally and nearly physically kicking Tyler’s ass in the locker room, Matt finds Mr. Tanner’s body outside the locker room building.

While the police are at the crime scene, Bonnie noticed that Mr. Tanner’s body was found outside Building 8, in front of a car with the number 14 on it’s license plate, which just so happened to have been parked right beside parking spot #22 where Tanner’s blood stopped. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE BONNIE?!?!?!

Vicki found Jeremy and told him that she didn’t sleep with him for drugs, blah…

Elena was comforted by Stefan and again swore she saw his hand get slashed. Later, Stefan wrote his disappointment about Damon’s humanity being gone, while Damon tenderly caresses Elena’s face while she sleeps. Irony!!!!

Gossip Girl 3×02 Review

This week’s lesson on Gossip Girl was about clean slates, starting over and letting the past be the past. But the surprising thing is that the lesson wasn’t just for the Upper East Siders that I have come to love (and hate), but for me as well. I say this because I learned something about evil this week from GG: Sometimes, if not all the time, you “will” have to choose between the lesser of two evils.

Blair, Dan, and Georgina were the trinity of evil last night, but Georgina was not as demonic as her first season appearance. As I declared before, Georgina’s return to the darkside is mostly Blair’s fault and Blair should be paid dearly. And the one place Georgina knew that she could defeat Blair was the social circle. But can we really blame Georgina for Blair’s downfall last night? It seems as if Blair committed social suicide as soon as she stepped out of her limo or even when she foolishly didn’t heed the warning of Chuck about NYU not being Constance. Blair’s inane and delusional conception of ruling the masses of NYU made her, in my eyes, the true evil of last night’s episode, which only leaves Dan.

The lesser evil.

Yes, I had to side with Dan this week, even if he still made me cringe excessively when he said something slightly doofish. The fact is that Dan, and Monday’s episode, proved a valid point that I have always preached: those who ruled in high school are subject to a jarring awakening in college, while those who didn’t will fit in more than they did in high school. I have seen/known plenty of guys like Dan in college (but not as pompous); who just constantly had people gravitate to them because they were just being themselves. When Dan got up and countered Blair’s foolish attempt at ruling court on a college campus, I forgave him for all of the tedious and vacuous incidents and phrases that transpired in the past two seasons.

For now, at least.

Hopefully, Blair will learn an important lesson, which is that if you plan on invading and taking over something you should research and plan your attack instead of going in half-cocked with the notion that people will fear you. Your mom is a near has been fashion designer, Blair, so chew on that for a bit.

Now, let’s move onto Serena, Chuck, Carter and Rufus for sec. I am conflicted about Serena not wanting to go to Brown in that I understand it, but I don’t understand it. Her reasoning in the end made sense, because thousands of people make that same decision, but they don’t go out their way to lie about it. I really thought that Rufus forgot that he was talking to Serena and not Jenny, because how he came at her was overkill. I would have reacted the same as Serena, because Rufus has to adjust to the fact that Serena is practically an adult and he can’t just jump in with an iron foot to make her behave all of a sudden. I also don’t think that Serena was wrong in what she told Rufus as well, because it seems to have struck a nerve with Rufus in a way that could only mean that there was some truth to the statement. Rufus might need to work on that issue as his season arc this year.

Chuck’s idea was fantastic and this is where I didn’t care for Serena’s bitchiness. I had a feeling that Chuck was worried about Serena when she decided to not go to Brown and crashed at his place first. But the writing played Chuck’s motives for snitching on Serena so well that you didn’t know what to believe till Chuck actually said it. Kudos on that last night. Carter loves Serena and I hope he is an anchor for Serena for a while. I wouldn’t mind to see where this coupledom will go, because it seems tortured and great all in one.

Nate and Bree’s storyline was boring and it was self-explanatory to the point that I am sure every blog wrote the same thing about it.

All in all, a great episode. Way better than last week’s opener. Other than the stuff I listed above, I really need the writers to drop the highly naïve little rich girl Blair and give her some depth, because I am increasingly finding her character laughable (not in a good way) and irritating. I love Leighton Meester and feel that they should return Blair to her season one roots where her bitchiness was understandable. Leighton deserves more than that, because she knows Blair and nobody else could play her better.

What do you guys think?

The Key to Her Diary – The Vampire Diaries 1×02 Recap

So last night’s episode began with another couple being drained of life, but my question is why are they still hiding that it’s Damon? Could it be another vamp in the area? Also, this happens on the same night as the pilot so something might be fishy here…

The next day everyone goes on about there lives, but Jeremy sneaks a visit to see about Vicki and later punks out Tyler’s bitch made ass for not going to see Vicki. Bonnie tells Caroline about her clairvoyance, but Caroline’s mind is on the mysterious guy, Damon, that she met last night. Matt fills Elena in on Vicki’s condition while Stefan listens from a good distance. When Matt mentions that Vicki said a vampire attacked her, Stefan freaks and bails before Elena can even approach him.

Aunt Jena attends a meeting with Mr. Tanner about Jeremy’s attendance and behavior. Mr. Tanner is a hard ass bastard with no soul and doesn’t give Jenna any slack. Could he be a vampire himself? If not then he needs to be the next one on their menu.

Stefan goes to visit Vicki at the hospital, but is almost seen by Matt. When Matt walks into Vicki’s room, she appears behind him and starts screaming like a lunatic when he tries to touch her. Matt leaves to go get help, which gives Stefan the chance he needs to glamour Vicki into changing her story. After Stefan leaves the room, Matt spots him and follows him into a room where there is a lot of blood being transfused. Although Stefan eventually escapes, Matt is not the average dumb jock and is on to him.

God, I LOVE Bonnie… Not only is she beautiful, but also she has so much background information on stuff that you have to hear what she says every time she opens her mouth. But again, The CW has some song blaring in the background and it takes me four viewings to hear what Bonnie said. Her grams (who I can’t wait to meet) said that the comet represents doom and the last time one flew over Mystic Falls it created a sort of Hellmouth for supernatural activity. But Caroline wants to know about Stefan and why Elena hasn’t thrown him any nookie yet, which is why you are still single and willing, Caroline. Elena leaves to go seize the day with Stefan.

Aunt Jena tries to lay some authority over Jeremy, who is being a complete brat by the way, but fails miserably.

Back at the hospital, Vicki looks fantastic and feels great to Matt’s astonishment. When Matt asks again what did Vicki see, she relies some animal. Aha! Stefan’s spell works. But Matt’s not buying it. Jeremy stops by and Vicki doesn’t want Matt to know about the two of them. When she finds out that Jeremy was the one who found her, Vicki is in awe a little. Wonder how long it will last…

Elena is at Casa Salvatore where she meets Damon, who quickly deduces who Elea is. Damon shows Elena around and lets slip about Katherine, which troubles Elena cause Stefan never mentioned Katherine to Elena. Stefan shows up and the tension is apparent between the two brothers. Elena leaves and the two brothers banter some more.

Later at the hospital, Vicki is visited by visions of a vamped out Damon. My money is that he is toying with her and has big plans in store for good ole Vicki.

While Damon makes a special appearance at the Night of the Comet, Stefan and Zach discuss the bad boy vamp and how he is sure to do more damage while here.

At the local hangout, Jeremy finds Vicki and the two bonded and Jeremey gives her some pills while a jealous Tyler watches from afar. He tries to come over and make his presence known, but Vicki blows him off. Sucker!

Back at the celebration, which includes candle lighting, Elena’s candle finds Stefan’s and there is an awkward moment since Matt lit Elena’s candle. The metaphors are thick here, people. Stefan spits some game on what the comet entails and he then apologizes about his behavior the day before. Elena ponders why didn’t he tell her about Damon and Katherine, but Stefan tells him Katherine was a thing of the past. If she only knew how literal that was. Elena tells him that she gets where he comes from and understand his plight. Awww.

Vicki comes across Damon and tells him that she recognizes him, but doesn’t know where from. Damon only says that is unfortunate. Vicki goes into the bathroom to calm her nerves where Damon goes in for a second helping of her neck.

Jeremy can’t find Vicki and is freaking out so he asks the group. Tyler gets snotty and an argument ensues which reveals to everyone that Jeremy slept with Vicki numerous of times and it was a willing act, which can’t be said for Tyler and that Jeremy is pushing drugs to Vicki. None of these revelations are taken lightly by Matt, who demands everyone to help find Vicki.

Matt comes across Stefan and after asking if Stefan seen Vicki, he demands to know why he was in the hospital the other day. After giving a lame lie, Stefan overhears Damon toying with Vicki. Stefan catches up with the two and Damon glamours Vicki into believing that Stefan attacked her. Damon throws Vicki into Stefan’s arms and gives him an ultimatum (which is some more mythology): either drink from Vicki and make her forget that the whole thing ever happened or let her go get the lynch mob and be killed. Stefan chooses the later, because a stake through the heart would mean he would be free from Damon.

Damon thinks about this and whispers something in Vicki’s ear, which is another glamour, and Vicki now believes that she is high off her ass and doesn’t know how she got there. She saunters off and I think that with her experiences in having her mind frakked on a daily basis that she should apply to be a Doll in the Dollhouse. I hear they are hiring. Damon declares that he will stay in Mystic Falls after all, but refuses to tell Stefan why.

Matt checks on Vicki’s wound and thanks Stefan for finding her. Stefan then approaches Bonnie and Caroline to find Elena. Bonnie hands Stefan Elena’s number and email address and when their hands touch, Bonnie has a vision and jumps, asking Stefan “What happened to you?” After realizing what just happened, Bonnie runs off. Isn’t she the coolest or what?!??!

Elena returns home to find Aunt Jena raiding Jeremy’s room find all types of drug relate paraphernalia, because she feels like she is not being a good guardian. But Jena feels that the pressure is on since Elena and Jeremy’s mother was great at everything and that it will be her fault if anything happened to Jeremy Elena assures Jena that she is doing fine, before running off to take care of something.

Jeremy spots Vicki back at the hangout spot, but she is going hot and heavy with Tyler. Bummer.

Caroline is playing blonde horror victim by walking around town to her car by herself and is met up with Damon. But he only attacks her with heavy flirtation.

Elena goes to Casa Salvatore to talk to Stefan about…diaries. Hers in particular. She tells Stefan what she would write in her latest diary if she was at home, which is basically she is scared to be happy for one moment, because her world might be shot to hell again. Paraphrasing, people. Stefan then tells her what he would write and he repeats to her what she said to him earlier about the sun coming up and reality setting in and that them standing there right then was reality.

They kiss. Awwww.

The show ends with Caroline and Damon going at it in her bed.

He bites her. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

See you next week…

The Mighty (HILARIOUS!) Fall- The Real Housewives of Atlanta 2.08 Recap

Last night three of the five Atlanta Divas took the stage and dominated the hour, while the other two stood in as sidekicks and comedic fodder. But you don’t have to worry; drama was in attendance as well.

Sheree

Sheree wants to find love, but she has to understand that to do that she must tone down the diva attitude and be able to think civilly instead of being critical of everything down to a fly’s flight pattern. But she takes the advice of her physical trainer, Cliff, who tries to play matchmaker, as he invites her to his bodybuilding contest and introduces Sheree and Tania to two men. One of the guys (one of the judges at the competition) constantly talks about himself, which turns Sheree off completely. Now she must see how Bob (her ex) felt.

NeNe

NeNe and Lisa stop by Derek Blanks studio to see how their alter-ego photos turned out. Derek says that the event was so big that he had to rent a house. It is to be a black tie event and the photos will be revealed then. As the ladies leave, Lisa notes that the Alter Ego party will be the first time she has seen Sheree since the Closet Freak fashion show and voices her disapproval of Sheree’s tardiness to NeNe, who remains neutral about the whole thing.

Kim

Kim visits Kandi’s home studio where Kandi and Don Vito plays their version of “Don’t Be Tardy For The Party”, which sounds damn good and a sharp contrast to it’s original country version. Kim is immediately intimidated and is scared to go in the recording booth. Kandi and her crew get kinda frustrated and have to damn near cattle prod Kim’s ass in to the booth. When she does get in there, Kim slightly calms down and throws down the hook for the track, albeit timidly. When Kim leaves the booth, Kandi’s sound engineer, Salasi, works a freaking miracle as the song (and Kim’s voice) comes out sounding pretty damn good. So good to the point where Kim cries profusely and has a change of heart about letting NeNe in on the track. Ruh Roh?!?

The Alter Ego Party

The party turns out to be a big event and all of Atlanta’s elite was there. So Derek wants to reveal the housewives’ photos in a room towards the end of the night, so in the meantime:

Sheree and Lisa meet up and discuss Lisa’s Closet Freak Fashion Show, which Sheree is still sniggling about behind Lisa’s back. Dwight Eubanks shows up ready to make my ass laugh; and Kim falls down some steps outside and breaking her ankle and scarring her legs up in the process.

The whole party comes to a screeching halt.

Kim is hurt pretty badly and people rush to help her. Dwight rushes to see how badly Kim’s shoes were damaged, because he liked them and thought he could be of some assistance. Kim is toted to her Navigator where the real show takes place as NeNe declares that people treated Kim as if she was a piece of the art collection as the rushed to see her. While all this is going down at the Navigator, somebody requests that Kim plays her version of “Don’t Be Tardy For The Party”, which she does. People actually love it, which takes the swelling out of Kim’s foot and sends it to her head. NeNe loves it and can’t wait to add her vocals to it. Kim’s not so sure about that.

Then pain hits Kim hard and she starts moaning like either beached whale or a tipped cow. Take your pick. After two medics and common sense, Kim shouldn’t be on her damaged foot. But the unveiling still hasn’t happened, so what is the solution? Bring ALL of the photos OUTSIDE and set them up near Kim’s SUV.

REALLY?!?!

I hope you kept your receipt, Derek Blanks.

The photos are revealed and they were awesome. My personal faves were Kandi’s and Sheree’s and I wouldn’t mind owning both. NeNe and Lisa’s were straight, too, but Kim’s look kind of boring. As if Kim or Derek didn’t put any effort into the photo, but I mostly blame Kim for that. So, after the revealing someone rolls Kim off to the emergency room; Dwight tells Sheree that he will help her with her fashion show so that it won’t end up like Lisa’s and everyone drinks wine and have cake. The End.

The Watch What Happens Live show has Kim back; fresh from her appearance with NeNe on VH1 Divas last night. Kim declares that “Don’t Be Tardy For The Party” is #9 on iTunes and I want a list of everyone who bought that song. I mean it’s catchy, but really? At the end of the show, which I recommend you see for yourself, 54% said they loved the song and 46% said they will leave. Whoa.